There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else; they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
There’s nothing in the world like being young and in love. It gives you the power to do things you would never have had the courage to do otherwise. It inspires you to make yourself vulnerable, put your heart on the line…To give more than you can give. To speak heart-felt sentiments you thought only existed in old books and flowery poetry. And it can make you forget everything except love itself. That one thing that makes life worth living. The object of your affection…Inspired by love, we can move mountains, make great changes, do great things. But we can also become so blinded by it that we forget everything, everyone. Even ourselves
But then I think about everything that kiss brought into my life. What it was like to look at you and know not just what you were thinking, but also what you were feeling because I was feeling the same thing, and then it’s worth it. It’s..worth all the pain that I’m going through. I want to regret kissing you, but I can’t. It was the smartest decision I ever made.
You probably don’t even remember. It was just this thing. There you were, above me, and you started brushing my hair off my forehead, and it felt so nice. It made me feel… safe. Like no matter what, you were gonna protect me. Years from now, when I think back, I’m not gonna remember the clumsy positioning or the morning-after awkwardness or if the experience itself met the textbook definition of great sex. What I’m gonna remember is how sweet you were. And how you took me to this brand new place.
The bottom line is, life is about learning, whether you’re in school or not. We are human. We make mistakes. But your lowest moment might also be the one where you begin to rise, and rise. So double back. Regroup. Brush yourself off, and try again.
I wanna belive that you’re this perfect guy and everything you seem to be is true. But when I look at you, really look at you, I can tell that I’m just barely scratching the surface. You’re that book, with the pretty cover, the one that I just can’t wait to to get into. But you should never judge a book by it’s cover, because now that I’ve read far enough into you that I just can’t put you down, there will be a twist… and everything will change… and by the last page… I’ll be heartbroken.
To put it another way, people are people and people fall in love with people. Some people have a narrow spectrum of who fits into their scope of potential mates and some people have a wider scope of possibilities. Again, it comes back to this: ‘There is no accounting for attraction.’ This is proven every time someone who fits into a category outside your usual scope of attraction (whether it be the gender, the hair color or the fact that he’d rather read books than watch a movie with you) and you know he or she is not your ‘type,’ yet you can’t stay away. In these situations, there is no need to fret. Just repeat after me: “I’m OK .’ ‘There’s no accounting for attraction.’ That’s really the bottom line. You’re going to feel whatever you are going to feel, and you can’t place a judgement on it of good or bad or right or wrong or normal or weird. They’re feelings. We don’t have any control over them. So, feel whatever you feel, and then make thoughtful choices about what you do. The doing is the part you can control.
That was the kind of hurt that could only be inflicted by someone you loved, who you thought loved you. It was sort of like being stabbed from the inside out.